What to write in a sympathy card

A simple formula

1. Acknowledge the loss. Use the person's name.
2. Add something personal. A memory, or what you admired about them.
3. Offer warmth or specific help.
4. Close gently.

Messages for close family or friends

• "I'm so sorry about your dad. I'll always remember him at the head of the table, carving the turkey and telling the same joke every year. Thinking of you all."
• "There are no words. I loved her too, and I'm here for whatever you need. I'll call you next week."
• "Holding you close in my thoughts. Your mom was one of the kindest people I've known."

Messages when you didn't know the person well

• "I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family."
• "With deepest sympathy at this difficult time."
• "I didn't have the chance to meet your brother, but I can tell from how you spoke of him how much he meant to you."

Messages for a colleague

• "We're all so sorry to hear about your father. Please take all the time you need."
• "Thinking of you and your family. Don't worry about anything here."

Sharing a memory

If you knew the person, a memory is the most precious thing you can give. Families often reread sympathy cards for years. Even a small one helps: "She always remembered my children's names."

Phrases to avoid

• "Everything happens for a reason."
• "At least they're not suffering anymore" (unless the family has said this themselves).
• "I know how you feel."
• "Let me know if you need anything." Offer something specific instead.

Later on

A short card or message on the first birthday or anniversary after the death is often deeply appreciated. For what to say in person, see what to say at a funeral.