Guide
How to write a eulogy
Write a eulogy in five steps: gather two or three specific memories, choose one idea about the person that ties them together, open by saying who you are and how you knew them, tell the memories in order, and close by speaking to the person or saying what you'll carry forward. Aim for three to five minutes, about 400 to 700 words, and print it in large type.
By the Lovingly Written team · Updated
1. Before you write: gather, don't draft
Spend ten minutes making notes, not sentences. Ask two or three people for one memory each. Look at photos. Write down phrases they used. You'll use a fraction of it, and that's the point.
2. Decide how long it should be
Most eulogies run three to five minutes. Spoken English is roughly 130 to 150 words a minute, so 400 to 700 words. If several people are speaking, keep yours to three minutes. Ask the officiant how long you have.
3. How to start a eulogy
Start simply: who you are and how you're connected ("I'm Sarah, Margaret's eldest"). Then a single image that sums them up. Avoid opening with a dictionary definition or "I'm not good at speeches"; the room is already on your side.
4. The middle: two or three stories, one thread
Pick memories that show something true about them, their generosity, their stubbornness, their laugh, and keep each one short. Link them with the one idea you chose. Mention the people they loved by name if you can.
5. Humour, and whether it's appropriate
Gentle humour that comes from who they were is almost always welcome; it gives the room permission to breathe. Avoid jokes at anyone's expense and anything the family would find raw.
6. How to end a eulogy
End with something they would say, a sentence spoken to them directly, or what you'll keep doing because of them. Keep the last line short so you can say it steadily.
7. Reading it on the day
Print in 16-point type or larger, double-spaced, and mark where to pause. Read it aloud twice beforehand. Have water and a tissue at the lectern, and agree with someone that they'll step in and finish it if you need them to. Pausing is fine.
Common mistakes
Too long; a list of dates; inside jokes nobody else understands; trying to cover the whole life. One true picture is enough.
If you'd like help
If you have the memories but not the sentences, you can share them with us and read the opening of a eulogy written from them before deciding anything.