Guide
Who gives the eulogy at a funeral?
A eulogy is usually given by someone close to the person: an adult child, spouse, sibling, grandchild or close friend. Sometimes the officiant gives it, often using notes from the family. Several people can share it. The family decides, and anyone asked is free to say no or to write words for someone else to read.
By the Lovingly Written team · Updated
Common choices
- An adult child, often the eldest, though any child can.
- A spouse or partner, if they feel able.
- A sibling, especially for someone without children.
- A grandchild, which often brings a lighter, more personal angle.
- A close friend, who can speak to a side of the person the family may not know.
- The officiant or celebrant, who may write a tribute from information the family provides.
Religious and civil services
Customs vary. In some religious services, the main address is given by a minister, priest or rabbi, with a shorter family tribute or none at all. Some traditions don't include a eulogy in the service itself, and personal tributes happen at the wake or reception instead. If you're unsure, ask the person leading the service what's expected and how much time is available.
More than one speaker
Sharing the eulogy is common and can take pressure off everyone. A few tips:
- Agree who covers which part of the person's life, so stories don't overlap.
- Keep each tribute short, two to three minutes each, so the service doesn't run long.
- Decide the speaking order in advance and tell the officiant.
If you're asked and don't want to
It's okay to say no. A gentle reply works: "I'd love to help, but I don't think I can speak on the day. Could I write something for someone else to read, or share some stories with whoever does?" That way you still contribute.
If you've said yes
Start with our guide to how to write a eulogy, check how long it should be, and look at eulogy examples for different relationships. If you'd like help with the words, we can help you write a eulogy from your own memories.