Guide
Eulogy dos and don'ts
Do keep a eulogy short (three to five minutes), build it around one or two true stories, check names and facts with the family, and print it large so it's easy to read. Don't try to tell their whole life story, air family conflicts, mention the cause of death unless the family wants it, or tell jokes at anyone's expense.
By the Lovingly Written team · Updated
Do
- Ask how much time you have. The officiant or funeral director will know. Then aim a little under it.
- Tell stories, not lists. One specific moment says more than ten adjectives.
- Use their words. A phrase they always said brings them into the room.
- Check facts with the family. Names, dates, places, the spelling of a grandchild's name.
- Include other people. Mention the family, friends and communities they belonged to, so the room feels part of it.
- Read it aloud before the day, two or three times, and time it.
- Print it in a large font with space between paragraphs and pauses marked.
- Bring a backup. Give a copy to someone who can step in if you need them.
- End simply. A short last line that you can say in one breath.
Don't
- Don't try to cover everything. Dates and achievements belong in the obituary.
- Don't air grievances or family disputes. A eulogy isn't the place to settle anything.
- Don't mention the cause of death unless the family has asked you to.
- Don't make it about you. Your relationship is the lens, not the subject.
- Don't rely on in-jokes only a few people will understand.
- Don't joke at anyone's expense, including the person who died.
- Don't read long quotations from famous writers; your own words matter more.
- Don't apologize repeatedly for being nervous. Once is fine; then begin.
- Don't go over time. Other speakers, music and the committal may be scheduled after you.
Handling emotion
Getting emotional is normal and the room will understand. Pause, breathe, sip water and continue. If you can't, your backup reader can finish. See how to read a eulogy without breaking down.
Handling humor
Light, warm humor often helps, especially if the person was funny. Follow a funny story with something sincere. See funny eulogies: when humor works.
Quick checklist for the day
- Two printed copies, one with your backup reader
- Water within reach
- Names and dates checked
- Timing under the limit
- First and last lines easy to say
Start with how to write a eulogy, how long it should be and our eulogy template.